Goan a bit crazy

Here in Goa I've faced many emotional challenges. Loneliness is a strange creature. It kind of attacks your sanity, so it is a constant battle to relax and enjoy yourself...just by yourself. My hotel is fine. Its called "Delux"...not so delux, but whatever. I've got a room, with A/C (Halleluia!), a TV, and umm well thats about it. There is a cool market bazaar place that I discovered by accident right across form my hotel. I'm staying on the 6th floor and even from there you cant see the market because it is under another building, but it is really big. I went there and got fresh fruit and bread and some roses. Going there makes me happy. Last night was interesting. I went on this Goa by night tour. First there was a one hour cruise with Goan dancing. What Simones family failed to mention about this tour was that there are no non-Indians...accept for me. I was once again out of place. It was ok, though kind of aimed at families (and people who speak Hindi!). I danced during the last song, the Santa Monica dance they called it. And of course became an instant celebrity because I danced Hindi style and I'm white! Haha, I am such a dork. Then they drove us to some restaurant and to some other look out points, none of which were too cool at night. I also learned the hard way that it is best not to be friendly with everyone who is friendly with you even when lonesome. I got out of a situation with a person who thought friends meant something a whole lot different than what I think it means, very quickly. It freaked me out, which is a good thing, and I am wiser for it now. So today I went on another tour with the same company, again the only 'whitie" in the group. This time, thank God, I sat next to a nice girl who was with her family and I spent parts of the day with them (sort of with alterior motives - I needed protection from all the locals, and they dont bother you as much when you are iwth Indians!) I of course came dressed ready to jump in at all the beaches we were to visit. When we got to the first one I saw that I had been mistaken! Again, I was one of the very few with western style swimwear, the rest went in fully clothed, if at all! The last beach we went to, Calangud was pretty nice. There were a lot of people there and also a lot of tourists so I wasnt the only one hoping to catch some rays. I ditched the family and went to one of the more out of the way sun bathing chairs. (All the restaurants and bars that line the beaches have sun beds laying out to attract customers.) So I got a bit of sun and also jumped in the Arabian sea for a bit. It was really nice, though terribly salty. I have yet to shower and my skin is getting pretty tight and dry, ugg! So tonight I went to the market again and got some dinner and stuff. I'll go back to my room after this and enjoy my bottle of Goan Port (I know someone who's jealous!) and my Chicken Maharajah and naan bread and my Cadbury dairy milk bar. It sounds lovely. Tomorrow I'm booked for yet another awkward tour, this time to south Goa. I dont think we are stopping at any beaches though. I may switch to a hotel near the beach I liked after tomorrow. But who knows, I'll have to wait and see. In spite of the loneliness I think this must be building character somehow...right? As stupid as it sounds, it is stressful to have no one to worry about but yourself. It is also stressful to be on permenant vacation. I want to be doing something useful and have a place in the world where I make a difference. Umm, anyway, enough rambling...my dinner awaits Love you and miss you guys...and if any of you want to meet me somewhere for a vacation, it would be a welcome change!
PS Did I mention that God is so good? He has been so faithful in taking care of me I'd be a jerk not to say so.