May 2006

I have sat down to write a new entry several times now but somehow I just cant think of anything I want to say. Ok not completely true. I want to say things about exciting places I am exploring. However I have been back in the states now for seven weeks and am no longer out venturing in the world. I have a job now. Its not half bad. I'm managing group homes again.
Its been really wierd the past few weeks. I've been having flashbacks to India, Australia, Turkey, Thailand. All at really unexpected times. I kind of figured this would happen eventually. I had a lot of experiences in a very short period of time so now they are all catching up to me and I'm finally processing them. Yesterday out for walk in my neighborhood I smelled something smokey and suddenly I was back to a dusty, dirty street in Ambarnath, India walking to the cyber cafe. Very specific moments flash in my mind.
I often feel a kind of heartsick longing when I look at pictures of Romania, Italy, New Zealand and other places I havent been yet and the same for places I have been to and miss.
I was thinking yesterday about how it wasn't love at first sight at any of the places I've visited. I actually was pretty put off from my first impressions of each country but I had the desire to find what made each place loveable and unique. That is part of what makes travel so great. Some culture differences are obvious and easy, but others you have to work for. Thats what I love. You have to change your thinking to catch a glimpse of those things.
I'm trying to reconnect with this life in the US. It is really hard. It's been almost two months since I came "home". My friends are still my friends...kind of and for the most part. It is difficult to get back into routines and into anything that feels right.
Looking back, I feel like a different person than I was a year ago. Not just because of traveling, just life experiences in general. This isn't neccessarily a bad thing, just a thing. So many things that I once assumed to be absolute about life, about myself, about other people have been challenged. I feel the same but expanded.
Thats all for tonight, g'night all

Well, it has been three weeks now since I returned to Minnesota. I have to say I am much less inspired to write from here. There was definitely a crash and burn effect to coming home. I was riding high and and coming here I suddenly collapsed. I am not the most depressed I have ever been by any means but I'm not my "usual self" either. The past few weeks I have been a bit under the weather with allergies, colds, stomache issues and post trip blues, all of which have made me completely lazy and lack in the energy department. After this trip I'm not my usual self so that is big part of the challenge. I find myself seeing things differently and even experiencing things I once found normal as if they were completely foreign. It is kind of difficult to sort through all of those things because it's something hard to relate to others unless they've gone through it themselves. So I find myself trying to do those ordinary things and be happy doing them but I'm not really connecting with my surroundings very well yet. I'm becoming a bit more of an introvert than I usually am. I'm not sure if thats a bad thing, its just a thing right now. So its hard to write because I just feel a bit down and don't feel anyone will completely understand. The only semi productive things I have done are to print off my picture and put them in albums and I've begun the job search process (which in and of itself is a reason to be depressed!) I don't write because all I want to do is complain, but I really have no good reason to complain when really I should be talking about how fortunate I am. Ummmmmm, soooo that is my uber lame update. Hope everyone is well :P