USA

One year ago yesterday I set out on my great big gungula (pronounced like “gun-gew-la” for any who haven’t heard it pronounced before). I was on my way to Mumbai, Dubai, back to India, Bangkok, Honk Kong, all around Australia, Vienna then all around Turkey. I had the amazing opportunity to travel all around the globe for the next three and a half months. It was terrifying, awe-inspiring, testing, affirming, challenging, beautiful, mind-opening and simply wonderful. It’s something I can’t wait to do again. It pushed me to be more independent, but to rely on others in situations I couldn’t control. This past year has changed so many things. While time has flown by, I can definitely see and feel the impressions the events have left on me. This past year I have traveled and I have stayed put. I have loved and lost. I’ve been loved and been lost. I’ve been with and without sleep, food, money, etc. I’ve worked and been jobless. I’ve had friendships wax and wane. My faith and beliefs have waxed and waned. And so on…

And all of this is gungula. Quick recap for any who don’t remember what gungula is: It is the word my dad made up, which he calls the 27th letter of the alphabet. It’s when you write all 26 preceding letters directly on top of one another. You have an indistinguishable glob which makes no sense and has no real reason or purpose; it just has a name that’s fun to say and its fun to write it. The idea of gungula as it applies to life is everything all at once, piled on top of each other, a conglomeration of all experiences and emotions, it is chaotic, and yet somehow it is balanced and it is the nature of life.

I now live in an apartment in Minneapolis with my sister. It is perfect (for me anyway)! It's in a nice neighborhood, near lots of walking paths and lakes, near the city, close to work, I'm getting along great with my sis, it's roomy, high ceilings, wood floors; ahhh...it's charming really. Work is going better. I have learned so much this year and been challenged in new ways. While admittedly I do still kinda hate it some days, there are those other days that really make it worth while. My family is well, I am well (in spite of the small car accident a month ago that's had me attached to the chiropractors office!), most all is well. I shouldn't complain really. I can't believe that 2006 is nearly completed!

To finish out the year I decided at the very last minute to take a friend up on an offer to go to his sisters wedding in Toronto - tomorrow! I just had to squeeze in seeing one more new country in 2006! (Kind of sad that I live so close to Canada and haven't been there yet!) I look forward to seeing Niagra Falls and whatever else is there (I dont know, I haven't done my research!) I also look forward to a new year, new experiences, new adventures, new lessons to learn, and I wish you all the best in this new year to come! Love...ME!

It's been over a month, I suppose I could update. Well let's see...my travels lately have brough me on a road trip to Nebraska a few weeks ago for a wedding, 25 miles each way to and from work 5 days a week, about 40 miles to Valleyfair amusement park a few weeks ago and last weekend Atlanta! Atlanta was pretty fun. It was hot and muggy.
I rode the worlds longest escalator there, went to the popular nightclub "Vision", toured CNN world headquearters, swam in a pool fully clothed, went to the top of the tallest hotel in the western hemisphere "The Westin", toured Coca Cola where my sister is working, saw Stone Mountain (a huge monolith with a big ol' carving of some civil war generals on one side of it) and spent many hours lost in Atlanta with my sis :P
Now that I've written it down I realize I've been doing tons of stuff. Life is pretty alright. There are things I guess I could/should be down about but its just not worth the energy. I'm letting my brain and everything just veg out a little. There are so many things I don't know or understand but its like the harder I try, the less grasp I have on things. So I'm just living and breathing and looking for the good in life around me. Feeling a little like a hippie or something (minus the pot...though I still really dig smokin' a hooka now and then!...especially at Yafa Grill!). Speaking of recreational activities, I'm taking salsa dance lessons with some of my girlfriends which is a blast..just wish I had someone tall, dark and handsome to dance with

My job, is a job. It's a learning experience that's for sure. The ladies that live at the houses I manage are funny at least and are the highlight of the job. The other highlight is the stupid people (like their parents and therapists) I get to talk to, ya know the ones who are so stupid you can't help but laugh in pain and pity for them. My future plans are...completely unknown to me! So yeah, thats a bit of me at the moment. I hope all is well with you all, Take care everyone

Wow, its unreal that I have been home for three months. It is not what I expected, but then life rarely is. I scheme and I dream of possible next steps, new adventures. But right now, I am here and I think I need to be. My biggest wish is that I could be happy and have peace and come out of this stuff better, not bitter. Trials do eventually make you stronger but they can be numbingly painful. I'm too stubborn and yet too stupidly...oh I dont even have a word for it. It resonates in me...like once I care for a person, I'm just screwed, they have me hooked forever. My heart and soul are completely at their mercy. Be this a friend, family member or significant other. For me there is just no telling what will set it off. It is my greatest weakness. I build up walls to protect myself, but some people with their crazy magic voodoo still get in. Then I let them tear me all to shreds. I guess I have learned that even when I hurt so badly I think I'll probably die from the pain, in fact I will not die, and I will even be ok eventually, and I will be stupid enough/weak enough to let someone else do it all over again. What a crazy stupid life it is sometimes. I never claimed to live safely or sanely. Sometimes I think I'd like it better if I did, but I know my soul would thirst. So I'm doomed to repeat my circular fate of taking chances, loving too much and losing. And keep hoping beyond reason that eventually something will happen or someone will happen and break the circle. Now that you are all slightly confused, I'm going to leave it at that and go get some dinner. As usual, I hope you all are doing well and I hope you are living life fully.

I have sat down to write a new entry several times now but somehow I just cant think of anything I want to say. Ok not completely true. I want to say things about exciting places I am exploring. However I have been back in the states now for seven weeks and am no longer out venturing in the world. I have a job now. Its not half bad. I'm managing group homes again.
Its been really wierd the past few weeks. I've been having flashbacks to India, Australia, Turkey, Thailand. All at really unexpected times. I kind of figured this would happen eventually. I had a lot of experiences in a very short period of time so now they are all catching up to me and I'm finally processing them. Yesterday out for walk in my neighborhood I smelled something smokey and suddenly I was back to a dusty, dirty street in Ambarnath, India walking to the cyber cafe. Very specific moments flash in my mind.
I often feel a kind of heartsick longing when I look at pictures of Romania, Italy, New Zealand and other places I havent been yet and the same for places I have been to and miss.
I was thinking yesterday about how it wasn't love at first sight at any of the places I've visited. I actually was pretty put off from my first impressions of each country but I had the desire to find what made each place loveable and unique. That is part of what makes travel so great. Some culture differences are obvious and easy, but others you have to work for. Thats what I love. You have to change your thinking to catch a glimpse of those things.
I'm trying to reconnect with this life in the US. It is really hard. It's been almost two months since I came "home". My friends are still my friends...kind of and for the most part. It is difficult to get back into routines and into anything that feels right.
Looking back, I feel like a different person than I was a year ago. Not just because of traveling, just life experiences in general. This isn't neccessarily a bad thing, just a thing. So many things that I once assumed to be absolute about life, about myself, about other people have been challenged. I feel the same but expanded.
Thats all for tonight, g'night all

Well, it has been three weeks now since I returned to Minnesota. I have to say I am much less inspired to write from here. There was definitely a crash and burn effect to coming home. I was riding high and and coming here I suddenly collapsed. I am not the most depressed I have ever been by any means but I'm not my "usual self" either. The past few weeks I have been a bit under the weather with allergies, colds, stomache issues and post trip blues, all of which have made me completely lazy and lack in the energy department. After this trip I'm not my usual self so that is big part of the challenge. I find myself seeing things differently and even experiencing things I once found normal as if they were completely foreign. It is kind of difficult to sort through all of those things because it's something hard to relate to others unless they've gone through it themselves. So I find myself trying to do those ordinary things and be happy doing them but I'm not really connecting with my surroundings very well yet. I'm becoming a bit more of an introvert than I usually am. I'm not sure if thats a bad thing, its just a thing right now. So its hard to write because I just feel a bit down and don't feel anyone will completely understand. The only semi productive things I have done are to print off my picture and put them in albums and I've begun the job search process (which in and of itself is a reason to be depressed!) I don't write because all I want to do is complain, but I really have no good reason to complain when really I should be talking about how fortunate I am. Ummmmmm, soooo that is my uber lame update. Hope everyone is well :P